I am so tired.  The last few days it's been exhausting just sitting up in front of the computer in my study.  I can only do it for so long and I have to go have a lie down and often sleep.  I'm sleeping 12 hours a night and then napping during the day.  I don't know what is wrong with me.

Hopefully it's just some left over tiredness from the tummy bug that I had last week, but I wasn't this tired just after I got over it, so it's puzzling me.   Perhaps I'm coming down with something else.  There are a lot of bugs going around at the moment apparently.

I am REALLY hoping this isn't the onset of depression.  Depression for me often starts this way.  I get tired, sleep more and feel exhausted.  So far I've had no mood change. 

So want this tiredness to pass because it's interrupting all the things I want to do.  At least I've been able to read, so I've been reading a couple of useful books on writing.

Today I decided not to push myself and try to do things, and just have a relaxing day, so I've spent most of the day in bed reading, and watching DVDs.  With any luck I'll feel better tomorrow.

Very sick of this and it's only been a couple of days.

Good news is that my tooth is doing much better.  It's still a bit tender when I eat, but no major pain.  And no more need for painkillers. 

Anyway, I'm going back to bed.

I went to the dentist yesterday.  This is a rare event for me because I'm a major coward when it comes to dentists.  But a tooth has been hurting when I eat anything hot or cold for about a week now so it was time to do something about it.  I was lucky and there was a cancellation so I got seen to yesterday.  Otherwise there were no appointments until March! 

I really prefer this dentist as they are very nice, and as they advertise they "cater for cowards" like me.  They do their best to make things as less traumatic as possible.

So I went in the afternoon after dance class. The dentist Xrayed my tooth and there's bad news.  Apparently part of the nerve is dead, hence all the pain, and a big hole.  I either need a root canal or an extraction.  I'd rather not have an extraction because of where it is, but a root canal will cost $900 (Aussie).  As I'm on the disability pension and I don't have health insurance I'm not sure if I will be able to afford it.  I have an appointment in March for the procedure, so I have til then to come up with the money.

For the meantime the dentist did an emergency treatment, filled the hole up.  It's still tender (she said that would pass) but it doesn't hurt anymore when I eat hot or cold food, which is great.  Having to drink coffee lukewarm kind of sux. 

I've never had a root canal before so I have no idea if it's worse than getting an extraction or a filling.  Either way, not looking forward to it. 

I've been very tired today.  I had a tummy bug on the weekend, and I guess I'm still getting over it. I got to bed early last night and slept in.  I've had to lie down several times today and napped twice.  Bit annoying because I had things planned for the day, and I didn't get as much done as I was hoping to.  But I did get some writing done, just not as much as I'd wanted to.  Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. 

For the first time in I can't remember when I find myself with time on my hands and I'm also healthy enough to do things with that time.  Although my holidays started a few weeks ago, I've been so busy, first spring cleaning, then wedding preparations and entertaining guests that I haven't had any time for myself.  So today I'm considering that my hols offically start. 

I have plenty to keep me busy.  I want to do some of my own writing, which I don't often have the time, headspace and health to do.  I also have been commissioned to build some websites.  And I want to get into doing some serious exercise.  That ought to take up all my time.

I have been hypomanic during and after the wedding.  Too much excitement for me I guess.  But I'm mostly down from it.  The only residual symptoms are increased sociability and a tendency to want to talk lots.  But I'm sleeping better now.  While the wedding was on, I was sleeping 4 or 5 hours a night and on the go all day long.  Worked out quite well because I managed to be able to fit in doing a million things, and still build the website for the group.  I felt great too, which I miss.  Oh well.

Anyway, enough babbling.  This has to be the longest entry I've written so far, and when I sat down to write I didn't have a clue what to say!

This has been a MASSIVE weekend. At our place we have hosted my sister's wedding, my mother's 60th birthday party, and a meeting for our re-enactment group.

The wedding went off perfectly. We had the service in our courtyard which was done up nicely with new plants and decorations. Then the guests went through our 'rainforest' (also done up and decorated and beautifully lit by fairy-lights and candles... whole effect was ethereal... like a land of the fey) down the back of the property we had a hired marquee set up and had the reception there.

There was a little rain before the service and a tiny bit afterwards, but other than that, the weather behaved itself perfectly. So did the wedding guests. Everyone appeared to be having a good time.

I actually spent the night like the last few days. Every time I sat down someone said to me "can you come and do ..." But it was worth it.

Today we had a meeting for our re-enactment group that is affiliated with our belly dance school. We hosted that in the marquee. Among the meeting business was some discussion about the website I've been designing for the group. It's only a first draft, but if anyone's interested check it out: Harem Topkapi and the Tribes of
the Crescent Moon

After the meeting we had Mum's 60th birthday party. Most of the people at the meeting stayed on and did some drumming and dancing. Of course there were more friends and rellies here too. I also got up and had a bit of a dance too.

I now know the full meaning of 'shop til you drop.'  I have just spent 6 hours shopping for stuff for the wedding, and for my mother's birthday party.  I went with my two aunts who are staying with us. 

The wedding madness is well underway.  We have 2 days to go.

My sister H is out of hospital and doing much better and hopefully she'll be at the wedding too.  Dying to see little Bridget again.

So tired.

My niece is one week old and finally has a name:  Brigid Louise, which I think is really pretty.  My sister isn't doing so well though, she's in hospital on a drip 'cause of Mastitis.  She should be out today or tomorrow, but she's been having a really miserable time of it.  She had a very easy pregnancy and a relatively easy birth so something had to go wrong somewhere I guess.

I spent most of the day shopping with my two Aunts.  We bought the grog for the wedding, (80+ people), which was quite a job.  We also went looking for decorations, and a pair of shoes for me. 

R and T also treated themselves to an ice-cream while we were out, but I kept strong and didn't have any.  I also refused the Melting Moments after dinner. 

Mind you, I was badly craving something sweet.  But I resisted the craving successfully.  Mum says that when you're craving sweets you're really craving calcium, so perhaps I need to look at having more dairy in my diet.  Or at least taking a calcium supplement.

I have decided that I'm going to treat myself to something 'naughty' once a week.  The whole idea is that if you never have any treats you are more likely to binge (or blow-out as WW used to call it).  Besides, if I get cravings I can tell myself that I just have to wait until my 'treat' day. 

But of course, keep the treats within reason.  Like some WW ice-cream, which is delicious (and I don't usually eat because I'm inclined to eat too much of it!)

On Tuesday night I'm going to a BBQ at my cousin's place.  When we were shopping for grog I discovered that the bottle shop sells my favourite brand of beer,cheap, which is hard to find and usually expensive.  So I couldn't resist.  So that'll be my treat for the week.  But I'll have a lower point dinner at the BBQ to make up for the beer.  Perhaps some kangaroo steaks and no bread. 

I'm not weighing myself at the moment.  I have PMS and fluid retention so I don't see the point.

Food for yesterday:

Breakfast:  cornflakes - 4pts
Lunch: ham and salad wrap - 2pts
Dinner:  cottage pie and veg - 5 1/2pts
Coffee:  2 pts   (much better than what I've been having lately)

Total = 13 1/2 pts

Busy day today.  Spent the morning finishing cleaning the house.  This afternoon my uncle and two aunts arrived.  They're up here for my sister's wedding.  So I spent the evening being sociable and chatting.  Unlike a lot of people I like my relatives and we get on well. 

I've been hoping to get some exercise done this week.  Perhaps some walking, but I think I'm going to be stuck doing wedding preparations.  Next week, when all the madness has past, I'll get into it for sure.

I was good with the eating today as there was lots of sweets and deserts on offer and I didn't have any.  Very proud of myself.

Weight is starting to go up a bit, 0.3kg, but I know that's fluid retention 'cause of PMS so I'm not worried.  I expect it to go up more over the next few days and then drop back again.  Always happens.  So I won't bother to record my weight til it's over.

Food for the day:

Breakfast:  Cottage pie - 5 1/2 pts
Lunch: Ham and salad wrap - 2pts
Dinner:  Cottage pie and veg - 5 1/2 pts
Coffee: 4 pts  (still drinking WAY too much coffee!)

Total = 17 pts

I've completely finished my spring cleaning, with a couple of hours to spare before the visitors arrive.  I am completely exhausted, but my house looks great, and it's good to be able to fit stuff in my cupboards.  I had a cupboard full of old uni notes which meant I couldn't put other stuff away.  Also I had boxes of books in the cupboards, but Mum and Dad gave me some bookshelves they didn't need anymore so I have room for all my books.  I've also been through my wardrobe, sorted out my clothes and got rid of old stuff.  I've put all my 'thin clothes' into the wardrobe in my study.  I was going to give them to charity, but I decided to keep them to be positive - I WILL fit into them again!  So I have been very busy over the last week or so, but it's been worth it. 

My uncle R, aunt R, and aunt T will be arriving fairly soon.  Looking forward to seeing them.  I haven't seen T in years.

I think I'll go have a lie down.  I really am wiped. 

I am completely exhausted.  I spent the day spring cleaning.  Washing the walls was the worst of it.  Even though I have done any exercise, I've done plenty of activity today.

My house is almost done.  I have a few little bits and pieces to do tomorrow, and then the floors.  I should be finished before our visitors arrive. 

My sister R is getting married in one week at our place!!!  This week is going to be insane with preparations.  But I want to get started doing some exercise.  I thought I might start off by taking walks, and doing some light weights.  It all depends on how much time I have.

My other sister H's baby (nicknamed "Ducky") is 5 days old and still doesn't have a name!  I think you have 60 days to name a baby, and I wouldn't be surprised if they take that time to come up with one they both like.  It took them 3 months to name their cat!

Food for the day:

Breakfast:  savory mince - 4pts
Lunch: ham and salad wrap - 2pts
Dinner:  cottage pie - 5 1/2 pts
Coffee: 3pts

Total: 14 1/2pts

During one of the breaks from my spring cleaning today, I've made up a few motivational things to stick to the fridge.  Firstly I've put a photo of myself at my current weight, with the caption "Do you really want to be this weight for the rest of your life?"  I will be adding progress photos as I go along, probably at every 10kg lost.

I've also put up some pictures of myself when thin to remind myself that I CAN do it! 

And finally some inspiration mottos to read each time I open the fridge, and to remind myself if I get tempted to indulge in stuff I shouldn't.

• Failure is NOT an option!
• Do not give up on what you want most, for what you want at the moment.
• This is not a diet, this is a lifestyle
• Nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
• Every day that I succeed, I get one day closer to my goal
• Only I can let myself fail
• Craving is only a feeling
• Eat less, weigh less

I am still working on positive thinking.  Today I cleaned out my wardrobe and reorganised things.  I was going to give my 'thin' clothes to charity, but looking at them, some of them are so nice I wanted to keep them.  I'm telling myself that I WILL fit into them again, rather than I'll never wear these again.  I'm keeping them as more motivation.  Goals in fact.  I'll strive to fit into and look nice in good clothes.

0.2kg loss today.  Small amount, but any loss is a good!

Food for the day:

Breakfast:  Liver and bacon - 2 1/2 pts

Lunch:  Salmon and salad wrap - 2 1/2pts

Dinner:  Savoury mince and veg - 4pts

Coffee:  4 pts!!!!  (Have to cut down on the coffee)

Total = 13pts